Renegade thoughts
by Alias Gan Ainm
Summary: Night is the time when our minds can take us on journeys. Sometimes in the form of pleasant dreams. But sometimes our thoughts can overpower the need to sleep, take the brain hostage and run wild. Especially if you're an outlaw trying to go straight but still chased hard by posses (among others).


**Disclaimer** : I don't own ASJ or the boys. I only borrow them on occasion to play with in my little sand box. My only gain is fun and hopefully reviews.

The bunny to this story hopped after a sleepless night. And the darned thing wouldn't let me get any sleep until the entire thing was written.

* * *

 **Renegade thoughts**

Hannibal Heyes opened his eyes. By the position of the stars in the clear night sky he estimated that it was now past 2 o'clock in the morning. Sleep still eluded him, even though he was tired, exhausted really. He tried to make sense of the situation. "What's wrong with me? We finally skipped that posse and we both need all the sleep and rest we can get! Tarnation! Can't a man get any peace?

"All we're trying to do is go straight. We're not harming anyone. Why can't they leave us alone?

"Maybe we left it too late. Could it be there is no fresh start for us? Nah! I've always managed to think of something.

"Haven't I?"

He turned slowly and carefully onto his side. No sense in waking the Kid just because he couldn't sleep. Gazing into the embers of their campfire, Heyes once more paid attention to the thoughts continuing their not-really-merry dance through his brain. "Hmm, _my_ ideas. But that time, Kid came up with it, the try for amnesty. Okay, he lost interest again quick enough, after Lom told us of the conditions. Still, I didn't see it. Not at first. Am I missing other things as well?

"We haven't been able to find good jobs lately, and even poker seems to have dried up some. I need to come up with an idea, with a solution.

"And fast. He trusts me."

Grabbing a handy stick, the tired ex-outlaw carefully poked at the embers, coaxing some tiny flames to life. Even more quietly he fed the stick to the fledgling fire and added some more wood. Unfortunately, this activity couldn't stop the thoughts from continuing. And the new flames didn't cast any light into the dark recesses of his mind either. "He relies on me to do the thinking for us. But maybe we're too set in our ways. What if my ideas have all been used up?

"Can brains dry up? Do people get a limited supply of ideas, and when they're gone, that's it? No more?

"Is that what's happened? I used to thrive on sleepless nights, getting my best ideas, planning the next job. It used to be fun, exciting – but now?

"Hell, I'm the one who's always optimistic. I see the bright side of things, while the Kid grumbles and snarks."

A vicious poke at the fire produced a bright glow on a gloomy face, but inner illumination remained elusive. With a soft sigh, Hannibal Heyes rolled again onto his back and gazed at the stars. "Must be nearer 3 o'clock by now. At least I can still tell the time. One thing I'm still good at.

"Hey, Kid. How about this new distribution of duties between us: I tend the fire during the night and tell the time. You'll better do the rest.

"We couldn't do any worse than we are doing right now. How long's it been? 'Since when, Heyes? Since you had a plan that actually worked? Ah, don't get me started.' Yes, Kid. I can hear you. Loud and clear. You don't need to say a word. You don't even need to wake up. I know!

"How long's it been, indeed? We had a few good jobs. With Big Mac, unless he managed to cheat us out of our earning. The Hanley woman. Encounters with Harry Brisco. But it's nothing like we used to have.

"When was it we went to Lom? Must be, ah, over two years now. Yeah. 'Stay out of trouble for a year and the amnesty becomes official.' Yeah, right. You gotta hand it to the governor. He turned out to be the one who outfoxed Hannibal Heyes. Keeps dangling that amnesty carrot in front of us, always ready to snatch it away should we so much as step wrong, much less go astray. And so he got rid of the most successful outlaws in the history of the West. He didn't even have to lift a hand. We handed us to him.

"Nobody knows of the deal, we can't do a thing, he gets re-elected by his bankers and railroad men and never needs to keep his word. I wonder if he ever intended to.

"Most successful outlaws, indeed. If Kid and I had wanted to become real criminals we should have gone into politics. Ha! Fat chance of that. We were never rich enough to do it. And never mean enough.

"That fat politician just sits and waits until a posse or a bounty hunter finishes us off for him. No need to get his dainty hands dirty. All squeaky clean on the outside. A pillar of society. That dirty scumbag.

"The Kid does not deserve this. He's so much the better man, always out to rescue somebody, to help. Why can't he rescue himself? And he was so happy with the idea of amnesty.

"He needs a fresh start. With that temper of his, and his way of finding trouble for us, whenever he so much as looks at a pretty face."

He chuckled softly inwardly, a smile bringing out his dimples.

"Ah. What am I thinking? I'm getting pretty soft myself when I don't watch it. Telling him to give the gun back to that Tapscott kid. Might have saved us all a lot of trouble if he'd kept it, if we'd escaped before ever arriving in Hadleyburg. There. Another stupid decision of mine that came to cost us. Kid had the right of it. Why did he listen to me? He should know better by now! I've lost it."

Eyes, burning with more than fatigue, closed, but the churning mind refused to rest. "Hell, Kid, you might be better off without me. You managed to get paid that time when I took the guide job and you drove the dynamite to the mine, while I didn't see any money. You didn't let yourself get conned into going back to Devil's Hole. By a woman who never uttered a true word in her life. And when I managed to get myself shot, you had known there was something going on. I didn't believe you, but you found the guy. Before he decided to finish the job.

"Looks like you truly might do better without me."

This thought forced gritty eyes to open once more. "I always thought I needed to be there to stop you from blasting off, from letting your temper get the better of you. But maybe you only do that when I'm around?

"Maybe even simply _because_ I'm around? Because you trust me to stop you?

"Am I holding you back?"

A dark head, full of even darker thoughts, turned to the side away from the fire and deep eyes gazed at the form stretched out in the bedroll next to the sleepless thinker. The look carried more warmth than the small fire.

"How do you do that, Kid? It can be annoying as hell, but how do you manage to sleep whenever you want to? No matter where you are. Do you even know what a gift you got there?"

The warmth in the gaze vanished quickly when the eyes were directed once more towards the stars.

"After 4 o'clock already."

A hand moved of its own volition through dark tousled hair, smoothing it back to the head refusing to find rest despite exhaustion. If only thoughts could be smoothed out as easily as these stubborn strands.

"I guess we gotta have us a talk, Kid. About our options. And we gotta be reasonable.

"Hell, Kid, I don't want us to split up, but it might be our only choice. I finally have to let you go. It's your best option. I've done enough for us. Haven't I?"

The only answer to this sarcastic question was a lonely, far away howl.

XXXXXXX

The noise was also heard by the man stretched out in the bedroll next to Heyes'. Kid Curry had fallen asleep easily enough, but something had woken him hours ago. And for once, his knack for only having to pull his hat over his eyes to fall asleep, had deserted him. It was not a completely new experience for the young gunslinger, but it was still annoying and worrying. "What's wrong with me? We lost the posse, I'm exhausted. Time to get some sleep. Some _more_ sleep."

Blue eyes closed determinedly, after having surreptitiously checked for any visible sign of danger. There were no unexpected noises, no feeling of an imminent threat. His sixth sense told Kid Curry it was safe to rest. Only, his mind had other ideas. Literally. "Heyes is supposed to be the one awake at night, doin' the worryin'. Not me. But there he is, off in dreamland, and I'm awake. Have we switched roles when I wasn't lookin'?

"Wouldn't that be just like him? Maybe I lost a coin toss I didn't even know about. Alright, _partner_.

"Let's see. What do I need to do? Come up with a plan? Huh. How 'bout figurin' out the way to the next town, so we can get a decent night's sleep in a proper bed. And somethin' to eat that's not cooked over a fire. Or something that's cooked. That would be a nice change from the recent fare we had!

"See, a good plan. Easy.

"That should do it. And now I can sleep.

"Shouldn't it?

But apparently it wasn't enough, and sleep still wouldn't come. Curry's sleep-starved brain had apparently instead sent signals to the stomach, which now began its own nagging. " Aw, hell, Heyes. What happened to us? Most successful outlaws in the history of the West. Right. And instead of livin' it high, there's open season on us for every sheriff, bounty hunter, crook and who knows what else. We've been running for days with hardly had any sleep or food. If another posse shows up, I've half a mind to welcome them with open arms, provided they come armed with coffee and some proper food!

"I'm tired. So doggone tired. Of this all! I'm not sure I can go on much longer. Not like this!

"It's high time we started livin' again instead of just breakin' our backs for no pay. Sometimes I wish that little old lady from Boston had taken some other train and handed her paper to some other outfit.

"Aw Heyes, why did you have to listen to me that one time? Don't you always tell me to leave the thinkin' to you? But no, you went and let me send us on this wild goose chase.

"We might still have to put up with Wheat's posturing and blustering and with Kyle and the boys, but at least we knew where we were staying each day. We were safe. We had money. We were free. And happy.

"What do we got now? We're wanted the same as before, but the pay is much worse.

"And we have to work a lot harder to get it. If we get paid, that is.

"If we haven't to hightail it out of yet another place and keep running until the money runs out. Hey, I used to enjoy goin' new places, but I'm tired of 'em now.

"And having to go after every crooked banker who decides to pin his thieving on us. When did we agree to havin' the tables turned on us like that? When did we sign up to do the law's job for them; and for free, while we're at it?

Angry blue eyes blasted an icy glare at the uncaring stars which only kept glaring back, unrelenting. "What time is it anyway? Heyes is better at that than me.

"And that's not the only thing. I knew I shouldn't draw on that guy. But I just can't stop it. When I see a bully, I take him down a peg or two. Hang the consequences.

"And now Heyes has to suffer for it. I know his back is actin' up again. Never says a thing about it, but I can see how he sits in the saddle. Sleeping while ridin' or on the ground like now ain't helpin' any either.

"Without my challenge he would have talked the guys in that last town into givin' us a job. Probably would have gotten that bully to apologize, while he was at it.

"Heck, without me, they would probably make him mayor in less than a month. And next election, whenever that is, he can run for governor. Huh.

"Now wouldn't that be a headline? Governor Smith grants amnesty to notorious outlaws Heyes and Curry. Wouldn't he love that? Grantin' himself amnesty?"

Kid Curry directed a pensive glance at the potential future governor, before he rolled over, away from his partner. A sound from the fire almost made him turn back, but it was probably only some wood collapsing, coaxing flames from the embers by supplying new food. "And he'd pull it off, too. If he wasn't weighed down with me. If I didn't get us into trouble all the time.

"I just don't think things through. Hasn't he told me often enough? But I always go with my gut.

"Lightnin' reactions, fastest gun in the West. Yep, that's me. Something to be proud of. Yeah, right.

"Hell, and I _am_ proud of it! And why not?! I worked years to get that fast. And as long as I'm around, no-one is gonna kill another member of my family!"

A furious glare was this time directed at the trees sheltering the two fugitives from curious eyes on the prairie beyond. Then the gaze softened again while brows creased.

"But how often would he need my protection if I wasn't puttin' him in danger first? The occasional bad loser at poker, I guess.

"Yeah, but would he play as recklessly if I wasn't around? He seemed to be doin' a great job of fleecin' all of Yuma without protection, while I managed to get myself set up for a firin' squad in Santa Marta."

Thinking back on this close escape from certain death made the former outlaw shudder inwardly. The fire seemed to mimic his tremble, sending up new flames. But blue eyes just stared unseeing into the night, the vision filled with painful pictures of a solitary cell in a Mexican jail.

"That was too close. I always figured I'd die by a bullet, but please, not that way. If it hadn't been for his quick thinkin'…

"But hasn't it always been that way? Him havin' to find ways to save my hide? Santa Marta, Harry Wagoner and those crazy women, aw heck, I might have ended up getting' shot and killed by Harry Brisco, of all people, on that Brimstone train.

"Seems like it's been that way forever. He could be livin' it up like Silky or Soapy by now if it hadn't been for me. He did real well for himself after we split up. But I, I had to go and get myself a name on my own. A name that made the news, and instead of stayin' with Soapy he had to come lookin' for me. And he never went back.

"Reckon I should start thinkin' things through. Might as well start now. Got nothin' better to do anyway, have I?"

Nobody seemed inclined to argue. A soft noise from his partner probably just indicated a peaceful dream. Nothing like this waking nightmare.

"Alright then. We're wanted men. Dead or alive. Now, who are they more likely to take in dead and who alive?

"Everybody knows Heyes and Curry are always found together. They might not recognize us as often, if we didn't always stick together.

"It's mostly my fast draw gets recognized. Or draws attention.

"Heyes – or rather Joshua Smith – will get by. Polish up that old silver tongue and he's set. Now, Thaddeus Jones? It's just a question of time, really, isn't it? He's killed once already. Might even make a name for himself. And if amnesty should ever come for Kid Curry, what about old Thaddeus Jones? Now, wouldn't that be ironic?"

A lopsided grin spread over the Kid's even features.

"Now, how do I get Heyes to split up? He won't agree. Not for real. He cares too much. Still being the big brother." A sad, but fond smile played around the Kid's lips for a moment.

"And even if I could get him to agree to a split for a while, he's just too dang ornery not to come runnin' after me again. Soon as he smells a rat. Just so he can prove he's right.

"No! I need to come up with somethin' good."

Blue eyes squeezed shut with the pain, not from lack of sleep, but from a troubled mind and a heavy heart. "He might agree if he thinks it's just for a short bit. Then I only have to figure out how to let old Thaddeus die and become someone else.

"Yep. Wear him down some. Then suggest a split. That might work. It'll be for the best."

The howl, that had seemed to answer Heyes' last mental question, jerked blue eyes open again and stopped the thoughts behind them for a moment. Was this only a coyote or a lonely wolf? How close was it?

XXXXXXX

There was the howl again.

Definitely not a wild animal. This was a different sound.

The howling and baying of a dog on a scent.

Not close, but not far away enough to ignore.

Suddenly, the night became very quiet around the campfire close to the trees. Not even a breathing sound could be heard. When this realization hit, two heads, one dark, one light, turned towards each other. Brown eyes sought blue. A look, no further communication was needed. Not now.

All renegade thoughts were pushed back, while more urgent matters required action.


End file.
